[Robot Wars UK S9: E6 is available online here.]

OMG TEH FINALZ!!1

Oh man, you feel that? That weird disturbance in the air? It can mean only one thing, Cherub received the Robot Wars wildcard. Kidding, we’ll get into wildcards in a bit but first I’ve gotta generate some hype because right now we’re about to see the Robot Wars series 9 Grand Finals. We started with 40 teams and now we’re down to just 5 (plus the 6th wildcard of course). This is it, this is for all the marbles. The whole enchilada, or whatever they have in the UK as a “close enough” variant of that. By the end of this episode a 2017 champion will be declared and someone will be taking home the giant Sir Killalot dick trophy and probably some money, or at least some BBC stickers and a shirt or something. By this point I don’t even try to hide the fact that I don’t understand how television works in Britain.

Shoutouts to Dara O’Briain hanging out on his little perch in the warehouse stairwell.


THE FINALISTS

Sabretooth is still missing to this very day.

Starting with the first episode and moving onward we have AFTERSHOCK, the hellacious vertical spinner from the team whose entry last year was just a shitty wedge armed with either a ramp or a HDPE bulldozer scoop that did fuck all. Will and Ian Thomas took what was left of their robot back home with them and came back with something not even remotely close to what they had before. Aftershock is all new sporting a destructive disc spinning at over 200 MPH and powered by a motor that costs more than what a full time minimum wage worker in the United States makes in an entire fucking month. Aftershock destroyed Crank-E in its initial melee before Crank-E even had a chance to start its goddamned weapon and then moved on to brutal KO victories over Rapid, Terrorhurtz, and Sabretooth twice with a fantastic display each time. Rapid’s million-dollar gearbox got blown to fucking pieces, Terrorhurtz was launched about 10 feet in the air, and Sabretooth… good god. Sabretooth is dead, let’s just leave it at that. Fans have pinned Aftershock as one of the bots to win it all, and with KO’s like this you can’t help but see why.

Cobra gets some wicked air time.

Up next is ERUPTION, a robot whose run at the championship last year was unfortunately cut short according to the Robot Wars community. After a disappointing early exit last year Michael and Adrian Oates’ Eruption has returned with an even more powerful flipper that features a pressure management system which allows the drivers to fine tune how badly they want to kick someone’s ass. The robot also featured this ridiculous little “nibbler” drum attachment on its head at the start of the series but since none of its opponents managed to travel the 14 feet required to hit Eruption’s spinner at the top of its ramp the team very quietly removed it and now we don’t talk about it anymore. Eruption has won nearly all of its fights by throwing its opponents the fuck out of the arena. Behemoth? Out. Cherub? Out. PP3D? Out. Cherub again? Out again. Eruption has outed more people than fucking Huffington Post. Make no mistake, Eruption is here to rock the arena and thus far it is 100% undefeated.

Last year’s wildcard Thor takes a tumble.

CONCUSSION is a new robot from a team of equally new builders. They sat in the audience last year and were so inspired by the carnage that they decided to build their own machine and now here they are with the Robot Wars trophy literally just ahead of them. If this were a Sonic the Hedgehog special stage there’d be text flashing above their heads saying “3 MORE RINGS TO GO” or some shit. Concussion is the dark horse of the Grand Final because it came from a heat full of misfits and X-factors including last year’s wildcard recipient Thor. Armed with a drum and faulty electronics that put Pulsar’s to shame, Concussion managed to KO vertical spinner Tauron in the group melee before landing a killer knock out blow to Thor from the safety of being trapped on the fucking pit door. Heavy Metal was next in line to be taken to pound town because Concussion managed to rip an entire fucking wheel off of the robot before the fight ended and afterwards enjoyed a cakewalk of a fight against MR Speed Squared who once again proved to be a one pump chump and lost its weapon after a single hit.

Ironside 3’s cameo in an insurance commercial.

Another underdog, IRONSIDE 3 has perhaps had the most difficult time getting to the Grand Finals. Armed with interchangeable helicopter-style blades and a brand new self-righting mechanism this year, ol’ Ironside managed to sink Crushtacean in a single heavy blow while Pulsar did the same to Apex in their group battle. From here it was a long hard road for the chopper because next in line was Pulsar itself and although Pulsar shits the bed more often than a toddler with dysentery you cannot deny that it would suck major balls to take a direct blow from Pulsar’s disc. Ironside 3 knew all too well how powerful that weapon was because it lost to Pulsar last year. The fight was a shitshow and ended with the judges giving everyone points and telling them to go fuck themselves because Noel Sharkey had yet another human-replacing robot to show off or something. A brief respite was offered against the fragile Wyrm, but afterward Ironside 3 had to be right back in the arena against the terrifying Supernova who was responsible for blowing Frostbite to fucking atoms. Ironside skated by with a lucky win and went on to face off against Pulsar once more in the heat finals where a well placed booty whack made short work of Ellis Ware’s expensive doorstop.

More like Crackers N’ Trash amirite?

Finally, we have Dave Moulds’ CARBIDE a.k.a. “The British Tombstone”. Featuring a horizontal blade powered by an old school Etek motor running at god knows how many fucking volts this thing has just been eviscerating opponents left and right. Carbide did all the legwork in its group rumble by ripping Trolley Rage’s goddamned face off and followed up by destroying Meggamouse’s drive system as well as its minibot. Carbide was drawn to battle the reigning champions Apollo in the head-to-head rounds and shut that show down real quick with a KO victory over the champs. Crackers N’ Smash were up next after circumventing Robot Wars’ rules about active weapons like a dozen fucking times, and Carbide picked up one of the minibots and spiked it at the wall hard enough to break a fucking panel off. The team behind Crackers N’ Smash quietly pulled an official aside during the arena repairs and was like “can we give up” and gave a win to Carbide. Coyote did its best against the spinner and for a brief moment possibly had the upper hand early on… until Carbide came in and nearly cut the whole damn robot in half. Apollo was waiting for Carbide in the heat finals for a rematch which, as you can probably guess because you’re reading this, Carbide won. Again.

When all else fails, BECOME THE MEME.

And now we have the wildcard. Last week I gave some insight into who I thought would be the recipient of this second wind and pinned it on either Thor or Apollo depending upon whether or not the reigning champ was a shoe-in, or if Thor receiving it last year would somehow make it ineligible to get it a second time. With Apollo, Sabretooth, Thor, Cherub, and Pulsar to choose from the judges have gone with APOLLO, the current reigning champion. From the quick pulse I was able to take from the community before settling down with a can of Monster and enough discount Easter candy to guarantee diabetes it seems most people were happy with this outcome and I agree with them. The only drawback I could’ve seen was how bad of shape Apollo was in at the end of the previous episode but I guess as long as the team can get it back into working order they just might stand a chance at doubling down and getting in on that Dirty South Style Back-to-Back championship. No, I don’t know what the fuck that means.


GROUP BATTLE 1

APOLLO

Team MAD

Weapon: Pneumatic flipper

AFTERSHOCK

Team Shock

Weapon: Vertical spinning disc

ERUPTION

Team Eruption

Weapon: Pneumatic flipper

lol suck it cherub

Remember, Apollo is not only the champion here but also the wildcard. It’s on borrowed time and Eruption and Aftershock seem to be aware of this as right away both are sort of pulled into Apollo’s gravitational field. Apollo keeps a pretty wide berth between itself and its opponents until it can get a clean run on Aftershock and goes in for the Nashville Tilt N’ Tumble. I think I’m just going to start giving all these moves random names, fuck it it’s the finals. Aftershock rolls backwards and its disc catches the floor. Watch closely and you’ll see the floor panel pop up slightly as it’s hit. This is important. Also important is how Aftershock manages to roll atop Eruption and land in a glancing blow that digs into Eruption’s flipper. Not sure of the damage here, but the unique way in which this hit was dealt could’ve imparted some bizarre forces into the pneumatics.

This is like a metaphor for life, really.

Apollo skids away from the chaos and drives over near where Aftershock collided with the floor and ends up pulling a Robot Arena 3 and digs its flipper into the floor panels. Stuck, Aftershock comes in for an easy blow and literally tears the champion a brand new asshole. This hit also fucks the floor up even more, and if you watch in the background Eruption digs under the other broken panel, so the fight is stopped and the arena maintenance team is brought in to try and fix it. At some point they are going to have to limit the power of spinners in the future because not only is this unsafe, it’s aggravating as fuck. I can’t even imagine how ass blasted Apollo’s team must feel because I’m just watching this fight and I’m pissed off. In fact, everyone involved just has that “fucking REALLY” look about them, especially Aftershock’s team. Hey, you assholes are the reason why the fight was stopped in the first place, I don’t think you get to complain!

The fight is reset with 2:32 on the clock and we’re back at square one. Apollo seems to still be functional which frankly is incredible to me because that was one hell of a hit with some really fucky angles and forces being applied to the robot. It’s no matter, though, because Apollo takes one mega blow from Aftershock and gets blown into the pit release button totally dead. The robot audibly deflates like a shitty Walmart tire but I like to imagine it as Apollo giving the world’s longest exasperated sigh. Looks like this is the end of the champion, time to make it past tense I guess. It was a good run you guys, next time dab a little harder.

QUALIFIERS: Aftershock and Eruption


GROUP BATTLE 2

IRONSIDE 3

Team Outlaw

Weapon: Horizontal spinning blade

CONCUSSION

Dorset Roboteering Team

Weapon: Vertical spinning drum

CARBIDE

Team Carbide

Weapon: Horizontal spinning blade

“Some paint’ll fix that.”

I think Concussion knows it’s outmatched here because its first order of business is to take advantage of its starting location and back into the pit trigger. Carbide comes in and lands a glancing blow before realizing Ironside 3’s blade has gotten up to speed and is now a potential problem. The hit that Concussion took seems to have damaged its drive so already we’re looking at a potentially short melee once Carbide and Ironside 3 smell the blood in the water. Ironside comes in for some quick bites but gets warded off successfully by Concussion’s spinning drum. One of Ironside 3’s team members notices the orange robot is crippled and nudges the driver to go in for some hits. Carbide also seems to notice this and the two spinners come in and Eiffel Tower this bitch. A few glancing blows are dealt and some damage is done to Concussion’s side until Carbide comes back in and blows its load in Concussion’s face, spinning the robot across the arena floor and back into the pit trigger. Technically, since Concussion has already hit the button once it cannot be activated again; it’s good to see at least this rule is enforced.

Shunt grazes on the dead drumbot while Ironside 3 and Carbide start to play Chicken with each other. Jump cut to some #ANTIFA-looking chucklefuck in the audience chanting “FIGHT”. Sounds about right. Concussion gets counted out, and Ironside 3 and Carbide move on to the head-to-heads.

QUALIFIERS: Carbide and Ironside 3


ERUPTION vs. IRONSIDE 3

DRONE WARFARE

First on the menu tonight is a match between the two robots accused of sitting on their asses and letting the spinner in the arena do the work for them in the group melee. Say what you want about that strategy, but if I’m in the arena with Aftershock or Carbide and they target someone other than me? I’m fine with that, totally fine. I don’t think their hanging back was intentional, but in any case now we’re going to get to see what they’re made of in this first Grand Final head-to-head. Eruption’s only damage coming into this fight is some damage that was done to its flipper when Apollo shouted “HOT POTATO” and threw Aftershock into it. Ironside 3 is a bit of a different story however because it took a solid blow on the ass from Carbide and this single hit managed to completely bend up the back corner and fuck up its srimech. You might recall this is exactly what caused Ironside 3 to lose last year, and it just so happens its first opponent is a goddamned flipper. Talk about shit luck.

Michael Oates knows the secret to fighting a spinner is to get in there and disrupt it before it has a chance to spin up to speed. The problem with his execution of this however is the fact that he fucking misses and Ironside 3’s blade gets roaring up to full blast. Eruption eventually does land a flip and I swear to god I thought this thing was just going to fly away. Instead, Ironside comes crashing back down and still manages to work. Jonathan Pearce says Ironside 3 is “tactically running away” because I guess he’s studied French military history before commentating this fight. Ironside manages to land one good hit before Eruption is up and under Ironside 3 and throws it onto its back. Without its srimech, Ironside 3 is toast and Eruption gets to pluck that “3” from its name and slap it onto its scorecard.

WINNER: Eruption, KO


CARBIDE vs. AFTERSHOCK

This guy cheered for the entire 1 second this fight was in Aftershock’s favor.

Hoo boy, don’t bust that nut just yet because this match might as well be the Grand Final itself. Carbide, a deadly horizontal spinner, going up against Aftershock, a deadly vertical spinner. These are the kinds of singularity fights dreams are made of and Dara explains it as an “apocalyptic collision”. Yeah dude, no shit. Neither Carbide nor Aftershock have had any major repairs up to this point, however Aftershock’s team has made the strategic move to replace their disc with a spinning blade. This is to reduce the likelihood of Carbide being able to slide in and clip Aftershock’s weapon perpendicularly and fuck the whole thing up.

It’s like the start of a TGI Friday’s wall.

The audience loses its fucking mind as this match starts and the two robots meet weapon to weapon. Sparks are thrown and both robots separate as their weapons continue to spin, however Carbide has come out ahead because part of Aftershock’s weapon brace has just been chewed clean through and the polycarbonate attached to it shattered away. Aftershock takes a small follow-up hit and I’m assuming Carbide’s blade has tagged an exposed electrical component because the robot just quietly dies. Sadly there’s not a cataclysmic weapon-to-weapon hit that sends someone’s bar flying into the goddamned crowd, but there is a blow dealt by Carbide that sends part of Aftershock’s side panel nearly through the inner fucking arena wall. I can’t even tell the trajectory based upon all the different angles they show, it looks like the piece of metal nearly went all the fucking way through like a fucking sword or something. Regardless, the arena has two stages of protective glass and this was just the inner glass that’s only one-fourth as thick as the outer glass, otherwise the BBC probably would’ve disqualified someone and told them to fuck off forever.

WINNER: Carbide, KO

Dave Moulds admires his handiwork and suggests they leave the piece there, but Will Thomas is like “nigga that’s a part of my robot and I need that shit back”. Dara and Angela make fun of the audience sitting in the line of fire who probably shit themselves when this happened.


CARBIDE vs. ERUPTION

Eruption fucking blows up.

Eruption’s previous match against Ironside 3 was a bit of a gimme, however there was at least one mega blow dealt that actually caused some damage to Eruption’s flipper and bent it slightly. It’s not major damage, but it’s something for the team to do for the two hours they have between fights I guess. Meanwhile Carbide I assume did not have much to fix because even though its previous fight was the most brutal fucking thing I’ve seen all season technically it didn’t get hit. Dave has spotted a potential weakness with Eruption in the form of its drive system; Eruption’s wheels are bolted directly to the armor for some ungodly fucking reason and against a spinner such as Carbide these are some prime targets for an ass whooping. A couple of well placed hits could render Eruption immobile on one side and ripe for a murdering.

Once again the “trick” here is to get in quick and destabilize Carbide before it has a chance to become fully erect and that’s exactly what Eruption is able to do with two mega hits that send both robots reeling and spinning. Carbide is eventually able to get its blade up to speed and you can hear that “death hum”, a term which has actually become a real fucking thing in the sport now. Eruption takes a hit straight to the face which literally disintegrates one of its Hardox steel plates meaning that if Carbide wanted to it could probably breach a fucking military tank because that’s the shit they made them out of. CO2 begins to vent from Eruption as Carbide gets the dream hit and rips a huge gash into Eruption’s side. Eruption is toast, and now the team has about 40 fucking things to fix if they want to come back strong in their next match-up.

WINNER: Carbide, KO


IRONSIDE 3 vs. AFTERSHOCK

Aftershock also just fucking blows up.

Ironside 3 has taken some hits thus far, the most significant of which killed its self-righter. This led to its loss against Eruption, but other than that the robot is in working order. Aftershock, on the other hand… Jesus tittyfucking Christ. So much fucking damage was done to this thing that the team spent nearly a full fucking hour welding it back together and were forced to take the robot’s stripped frame outside and start dumping water onto it to cool it down because it was too hot to mount the parts back onto. Will and Ian started fighting with each other and then here comes a fucking intern that’s all like “…are you gonna be ready?” and I swear to god if murder was legal this person would’ve gone missing. With time running down the team has no choice but to literally duct tape their fucking armor back on. I guess it’s better than nothing, but god damn was this a total disaster.

I can’t stop laughing at this picture.

Despite being held together with literal fucking tape Aftershock works. Not only that, it’s the aggressor as it chases down Ironside 3 who is, uh, tactically running away in order to get its blade up to tip top speed. Ironside 3 makes a sharp turn and digs into the side of Aftershock. To no one’s surprise the tape doesn’t hold up, but it lasts long enough to deflect a single blow. That might’ve been the only hit the team needed because Aftershock comes in for a hit of its own that sends Ironside 3 flying nearly onto its back. This hit was a little bit too intense for the damaged Aftershock however, because moments later it does its best PP3D impression and its weapon motor just blows the fuck apart. This kills the spinning vertical bar but against all odds Aftershock continues to fight.

Ironside 3 is landing hits but this is only because Aftershock is being the aggressor and charging in with its wedge. Call me crazy but if this were to come down to the judges I think it’d be a hell of a lot closer than you might be thinking. Instead, the dream ends as the arena spikes finally lay claim to their first victim and flip the robot over. With a working weapon Aftershock would’ve been able to get out of this position, but thanks to its Agni motor deciding to convert to Islam mid-fight we’re left with a broken robot that can’t self right.

WINNER: Ironside 3, KO


CARBIDE vs. IRONSIDE 3

irresistible force something something immovable object

Fresh off of its win against Eruption, Carbide’s team has been busy thoroughly inspecting the robot for any damage caused by the thrashing dealt out and all those wicked spin outs their robot was doing. Again though, no major damage it seems. Despite getting tossed around quite a bit, Ironside 3 also looks to be in working order without a ton of major repairs needed. Between these two robots my money would be going on Ironside 3. Seriously. Looking at the two robots even though Ironside 3’s blade is not as heavy or as powerful I think it’s got the one thing that matters the most in this kind of battle: reach. To me it looks like Ironside’s blade can strike first, and that’s all that counts.

The two bots start meeting weapon to weapon and not a whole lot of damage is happening, but there’s lots of sparks as this fucking Dragonball Z battle begins. Ironside 3’s got the reach but here’s the problem: the robot lacks fucking control. Ironside is skidding and drifting all over the goddamned place and careens into the wall and the floor flipper, all things that are going to hurt its ability to reach in there and fuck up Carbide. Some major blows are being dealt here and one of them finally gets the better of Ironside 3 and kills its weapon. Without a bar to protect it from Carbide’s own blade, Ironside 3 just goes for the backup “YOLO” strats and slams head first into Carbide resulting in a massive hit that sends the robot spinning into Shunt’s corner.

Just like Bombshell vs. Tombstone, Ironside was millimeters away.

Amazingly, Ironside 3 is not dead after this slam. Another hit seems to disable the robot, but this shit is getting out of control and the camera cuts to Noel Sharkey who’s holding the fucking self-destruct button that’ll blow this whole shitshow to kingdom fucking come. He looks to the left and right to get Lucy and Sethu’s thoughts and just as he’s about to nuke this joint they realize Ironside 3 is dead so they count it out instead.

Looking forward to Ironside 4.

WINNER: Carbide, KO


ERUPTION vs. AFTERSHOCK

What’s the opposite of a handstand?

Both of these robots are what I’d consider world class, but both of them are also coming back from twin losses against the world’s deadliest goddamned spinner. In the case of Aftershock it’s not just a matter of getting blown to smithereens by Carbide, but also Ironside 3 as well. Eruption’s armor was melted and destroyed by Carbide’s blade and damage was also done to its pneumatics and drive system making the robot nearly a total loss. The same can be said for Aftershock who had to be completely disassembled, re-welded, and then rebuilt in the course of two fucking hours. Even worse, against Ironside 3 the robot’s weapon motor shit out more sparks than a microwave full of tin foil and silverware. Under any other circumstances I’d say we’d be in for a hell of a fight, but right now considering the condition of these two machines I’d say we’d be lucky if there’s a single major hit period. Strangely enough as Dara points out all Eruption needs to do is survive the fight; even if the match goes to a judges’ decision and they lose, Eruption will still win overall on points and advance on to the Grand Final.

Aftershock’s original disc is back in action, but so is Eruption’s flipper. Right away Eruption is underneath its opponent and throws Aftershock into the pit trigger. Rather than drop the pit the House Robots instead come out of hiding. Matilda is about to take a fat shit right in Aftershock’s face but the officials kill the match because it turns out Aftershock has fucked up the floor again. Cue shot of Eruption’s team literally sighing and saying “aww”. Since no one’s got time to bring in the maintenance crew — again — and postpone the fight for another hour or whatever the teams are just like “we’ve fucking had it, let us just finish the goddamned fight and then you can fix the fucking floor”. The robots are reset, the clock is set to 2:47, and the fight resumes.

bonk

Immediately Eruption drives over the spikes and gets rolled over. Aftershock is able to come in and land some hits because at this stage in the event only two of the five damned things are working. The spikes looked stuck and I’m getting sort of pissed off now because I’m trying to see over on that side of the arena but it’s almost like the cameramen are very carefully keeping that particular corner out of shot, which means yes the spikes probably did break and are stuck in the upright position or something. Anyways Aftershock gets dragged into Dead Metal’s arms and here’s how you can tell that spinners are just too fucking powerful these days, Dead Metal doesn’t use its saw against Aftershock because in its current orientation it would shove it right into Aftershock’s disc. Instead Aftershock manages to writhe away from Dead Metal and completely trash Dead Metal’s right claw on its way out.

Eruption finally finds its bearings and starts throwing Aftershock around at one point even getting it stuck on its ass and unable to self-right for a moment. Aftershock starts to make a comeback which prompts Eruption to open the pit, but just as soon as the tables may have turned they’ve once again spun back around for Eruption because Aftershock just breaks down and stops moving.

WINNER: Eruption, KO


GRAND FINALS
CARBIDE vs. ERUPTION

CARBIDE

Team Carbide

Weapon: Horizontal spinning blade

ERUPTION

Team Eruption

Weapon: Pneumatic flipper

Swing and a miss.

This is what it all comes down to. 40 robots, 2 Grand Finalists, 1 champion. Carbide has fucking obliterated everything in its path, however in its previous fight it sustained quite a bit of damage against Ironside 3. Even though it failed to qualify, Ironside took a huge bite out of Carbide’s weapon sprocket and very nearly ate the chain, and Supernova showed us what happens when that goes wrong. If you look at Carbide’s top panel you’ll also see there’s a ton of chips and other damage done to it where Ironside 3 landed some of those weapon-to-weapon blows that bounced the robot up and onto Carbide’s lid. Overall though, it looks like the robot is in working shape. Eruption on the other hand was literally limping at the end of its spat with Aftershock which it only won because Aftershock just straight up died. The team probably could’ve played that match a little more smartly because even with a judges’ decision loss they still would’ve won overall in points.

Moments into the fight Eruption is already dealing with drive problems. I don’t even think Carbide hit it on its side yet, this has got to be something else just exacerbated by the force imparted by Carbide’s blade wherever the damn thing hits. Eruption misses back to back flips which serve to open the robot up to easy hits that Carbide warily keeps away from. Just from watching the fight so far I can tell you Dave’s strategy with Carbide here is to get around to the back of Eruption and eat its tires similar to what it did to Apollo in the head-to-head fights last year. With only one wheel though Eruption is in a prime position to always keep its nose pointed at Carbide and at one point finally gets in a serious flip that heaves the spinner into the air flailing wildly. This of course came about after Eruption was smacked onto the floor flipper and sustained heaps more visible damage, however.

Jesus Christ there’s hardly a robot left.

Eruption’s entire right side is pretty much scrap metal by this point so any hits landed there don’t really “count” in the grand scheme of things, and the team is doing all they can to keep skidding around on their one good wheel while pointing their front end toward Carbide. Carbide lands over near the spikes but they don’t come up because the hazard operators learned from what happened when they popped MR Speed Squared earlier this series. Eruption takes a blow to its underside and you can see just bungee cords flailing around and CO2 venting. It’s sad, really. For only 10 cents a day you can prevent this brutality from happening. Eruption takes a shot to its left side which was the hit Carbide needed. There’s the monopoly on that property group, and Carbide can start building hotels now. And by “building hotels” I mean “win the Robot Wars championship and tell everyone else to fuck off for like two weeks until the next event starts”.

Carbide celebrates early by trying to take on Sir Killalot and it’s a damn shame we don’t get to see more of the ass kicking Sir K tries to lay down.

WINNER: Carbide, KO


Well there you have it, Carbide takes home the gold, an outcome that I think a lot of roboteers and fans were expecting. It’s not called “The British Tombstone” for nothing; as a wise man named Charles Tilford once said, “that was real gourmet damage”. Ironically, years and years ago Mauler (Charles’ robot) qualified for the first Robot Wars “World Championship” but was disqualified for being “too powerful”, and yet look at the monumental carnage we just saw not just this evening, but this series; arena walls broken on two occasions, a piece of Aftershock was sent into the polycarb, and the floor was smashed up twice. We’ve come a long way, and there’s still more of the journey to go. Wherever we end up thanks for coming this far with me, and I hope you’ll continue to stick around in the future.

a winrar is you

As for The Update, I really want to go back and finish the original series of BattleBots (I stopped on S1 E7 I think) and do some more classic events. I’ve also been asked if I am going to do modern events such as RoboGames plus events for smaller classes such as the Dallas Area Robot Combat event that took place last March. The short answer is “yes”, but the bigger answer is more complex. I don’t want to say “it’s about money”, but it sort of is. This article you’re reading right now is about 6,000 words long (the average) and has taken me two days to put together (about 7-9 total hours of work). This is for an independent project so it’s not like I’m getting paid by the word by some magazine company or something, I just rely on what comes in from Google AdSense and what I get in donations. Those of you who are webmasters know that Google AdSense doesn’t pay a damn thing but they’re the best and most trustworthy company for ads and I’m not about to sign with some ad network that might throw sound or video ads at you because that shit’s not cool. The result is I have to balance a part time job on the side, which limits the amount of time I have to put into this website.

Anyways, thank you for joining me on this adventure through Robot Wars. I think the BBC has leased that dumb warehouse for another three years so there’s like at least six more seasons of this on the horizon; that’s the type of investment that I wish ABC would make with BattleBots. We’re still waiting on a season three announcement, but I am hopeful that the producers are waiting to see how BattleBots is doing in international markets before greenlighting a season three with ABC. (Just so you know, I’ve covered these original two ABC seasons HERE and HERE.) Thank you again to everyone who has followed BattleBots Update on Facebook as well, because we’re at over 2,500 likes! That’s more likes than many of the teams themselves have! (And I really need to get back into the habit of posting links to other teams to give them the “BBU Bump”.) And as always, you can help support the site by using the Donate option. If you’re interested in contributing a couple dollars a month through a Patreon setup, please do let me know and I can see about getting one rolling.

– Dracophile